The Black Dog
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How to give up trying to change a man


from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray

What she needs to remember What she can do
Don't ask him too many questions when he is upset or he will feel you are trying to change him Ignore that he is upset unless he wants to talk to you about it. Show some initial concerns but not too much as an invitation to talk
Give up trying to improve him in any way. He needs your love, not rejection, to grow Trust him to grow on his own, honestly share feelings but without the demand that he change
When you offer unsolicited advice he may feel mistrusted, controlled or rejected Practise patience and trust that he will learn on his own what he needs to learn. Wait until he asks for your advice.
When a man becomes stufbborn and resists change he is not feeling loved. He is afraid to admit his mistakes for fear of not being loved. Practise showing him that he doesn't have to be perfect to deserve your love. Practise forgiveness.
If you make sacrifices hoping he will do the same for you then he will feel pressured to change. Practise doing things for yourself and not depending on him to make you happy
You can share negative feelings without trying to change him. When he feels accepted it is easier for him to listen. When sharing feelings, let him know that you are not trying to tell him what to do but that you want him to take your feelings into consideration
If you give him directions and make decisions for him he will feel corrected and controlled Relax and surrender. Practise accepting imperfection. Make his feelings more important than perfection and don't lecture or correct him



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